Wunter Under Meijer can report that Manchester United are considering taking legal action against Nike after their 2-1 defeat at Anfield.
Manchester United had apparently been promised some innovative design augments to their shorts, however when the players took to the field they were wearing their standard apparel.
That wasn't the worst news for Alex Ferguson's men though; to make matters worse, some Liverpool players took to the field with the design augments that United had been promised; Adidas had fitted Javier Mascherano's shorts with a giant pocket in which he was able to keep almost the entire Manchester United midfield for large portions of the match. Debutant Albert Riera was also sporting a pocket into which he placed Wes Brown for the entire time he was on the pitch, with Jamie Carragher achieving similar success with Dimitar Berbatov in his pocket.
The most spectacular shorts, however, were handed to Fabio Aurelio, who sported a large kangaroo-like pouch on the front of his shorts into which he just about squeezed the sizeable Wayne Rooney.
''I have to admit that I wasn't very mobile; Wayne's a heavy player to carry around all match. However, I had a few packets of Pork Scratchings with me and I just threw a few morsels into the pouch whenever Wayne got restless. We actually formed quite a bond in the time we spent together.''
They weren't the only ones; there were reports that the Liverpool sqaud had to stage an intervention after Xabi Alonso managed to sneak Paul Scholes out of the stadium after the match. A number of players accompanied Rafa Benitez to the Spanish midfielder's house, eventually persuading Alonso to free a tired and cranky Scholes from his pocket.
Neither United or Nike were willing to comment on the issue, although Sir Alex Ferguson has told close associates that he wants action taken.
''Issa furgle wanna fesh un a salla disgrace jurrfta hellash graggle a wuz da hargle pusha, [hic], unna dreggle asha dooo. Ya Knoooooow?'', said Ferguson to our insider.
More on this story as it breaks.
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Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Nani Implicated In Manchester Gang Sensation
Police in Manchester have spoken of their shock at the revelation that Manchester United winger Nani has been the ringleader of a gang of ruffians that have terrorized the area for the past year, reports Wunter Under Meijer.
The gang have been making life for Manchester residents tough with their intimidating presence, particularly at night. Reports suggest that they have cost local seafood restaurants thousands of pounds in lost earnings, as many prawn-loving locals opted to stay at home rather than venture out and risk bumping into the Portuguese winger and his cohorts.
''I was walking past the gang as the sun set one evening and you wouldn't believe the sudden metamorphasis in their behaviour when it got dark; they became very intimidating'', said one terrified old lady.
The player was only identified and apprehended after a young man took this photograph of the mysterious gang before fleeing and handing his camera into Manchester police:
The gang have been making life for Manchester residents tough with their intimidating presence, particularly at night. Reports suggest that they have cost local seafood restaurants thousands of pounds in lost earnings, as many prawn-loving locals opted to stay at home rather than venture out and risk bumping into the Portuguese winger and his cohorts.
''I was walking past the gang as the sun set one evening and you wouldn't believe the sudden metamorphasis in their behaviour when it got dark; they became very intimidating'', said one terrified old lady.
The player was only identified and apprehended after a young man took this photograph of the mysterious gang before fleeing and handing his camera into Manchester police:
Scholes In Hot Water With FA
The FA have confirmed that they are launching an investigation into a Paul Scholes tackle that will probably lead to the midfield maestro receiving a lengthly ban, reports respected German newspaper Wunter Under Meijer
Scholes, who is synonymous with the phrase ''poor tackle'', seems to have gone a step too far this time, with even his manager Sir Alex Ferguson - a man renowned for defending his players over contentious issues such as diving (Ronaldo), shocking hair (Ronaldo) and invisible jerseys - reluctant to leap to his defence.
''Well, issa prettay [hiccup] shockin tackle, aye'', mumbled Ferguson. ''I don't think the lad Scholesy's meant any harm, bu issa terrible tackle and he's gottae remember that there's kids watchin on TV.''
After seeing the tackle, several opposition players were in obvious distress - and one unnamed player has even needed counselling saying: ''Nobody should have to see a career-threatening tackle like that''.
Wunter Under Meijer has a picture of the tackle, but people of a queasy disposition are discouraged from viewing it, as are children:
The investigation into this disgusting tackle continues...
Scholes, who is synonymous with the phrase ''poor tackle'', seems to have gone a step too far this time, with even his manager Sir Alex Ferguson - a man renowned for defending his players over contentious issues such as diving (Ronaldo), shocking hair (Ronaldo) and invisible jerseys - reluctant to leap to his defence.
''Well, issa prettay [hiccup] shockin tackle, aye'', mumbled Ferguson. ''I don't think the lad Scholesy's meant any harm, bu issa terrible tackle and he's gottae remember that there's kids watchin on TV.''
After seeing the tackle, several opposition players were in obvious distress - and one unnamed player has even needed counselling saying: ''Nobody should have to see a career-threatening tackle like that''.
Wunter Under Meijer has a picture of the tackle, but people of a queasy disposition are discouraged from viewing it, as are children:
The investigation into this disgusting tackle continues...
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